Since I didn’t watch any new shows last night (Parks & Recreation was entertaining, as always), and apparently the world decided that they would rather watch people sing or those still-popular CBS sitcoms rather than the best new show of the year, I wasn’t sure what to talk about today.

So instead, in no particular order, are the warnings I’ve seen for the new shows (I’m including all of 2012, not just the fall) that make me think I might not be who you’re looking for in an audience member (bonus game:  guess what show(s) I’m referencing in each point!):

1. You open with the phrase “…is taped before a live studio audience.”

2. Your jokes about Asian stereotypes would have been perfect twenty years ago.

3. Your show explicitly states its thesis (and incidentally, the tagline plastered on all the billboards) within the pilot episode.

4. Your funniest character is a monkey (admittedly, this one is easy).

5. Your show would have fit in perfectly in the “TGIF” lineup.

6. Your show was created by Ryan Murphy.

Answers below (Highlight to see!)

1. Guys With Kids 2. Sullivan and Son 3. Partners 4. Animal Practice 5. The Neighbors 6. The New Normal, although really you could have said any Ryan Murphy show and been correct here.  Seriously, when that guy goes off the rails, he goes off the rails.  Remember the first season of Glee?  At least that was entertaining.  Now that we get the full blown version of RM it’s a bit much.

You know, maybe it would be better next time to just guess which shows I’ve enjoyed.  That might be easier.

Still haven’t gotten around to Vegas just yet.  Things are stacking up on the DVR.  Something’s gotta give soon.

In the meantime, there’s this:

The Neighbors (ABC, will be on 8:30/7:30c from Next Wednesday)

What:  A regular family moves into a neighborhood inhabited by aliens.  The aliens will no doubt learn about human life, and the humans will no doubt have weird adventures based upon their proximity to the aliens.

Watch:   If you have kids and are looking for a family friendly sitcom like the ones they used to make 20 years ago.  The Neighbors is decidedly throwback in the way it mines humor and plot from the whole “funny aliens do weird things” premise, but at its best, the show could actually provide an opportunity to hold a mirror up to the silly things humans do, too.

The pilot, however, read funnier than it turned out, so my hope for the show as a family comedy is tempered somewhat by that knowledge.

That being said, it’s still less predictable old-school than Guys With Kids.

Last Resort (ABC, Thursdays 8/7c)

What:  A nuclear submarine receives a questionable order to launch a nuclear strike and refuses, branding themselves as traitors.

Watch:  Yes.  Easily the best drama I’ve seen so far this year.  The script was excellent.  The pilot is engaging.  There is a large cast (and right now we don’t know a lot of the characters too well) led by the always great Andre Braugher.  If any show survives this season, let it be this one.

Other Notes:  Animal Practice returned (and so far, the monkey is still the funniest part of the show), but the audience didn’t seem to return with it, so that show is officially in trouble if the numbers don’t bump up next week…  Guys With Kids did not improve its chances at surviving past the three episode cut line…  If you want to see something funny, you could do a lot worse than the inspired Key & Peele on Comedy Central, which just returned for season two (if you like what’s below you’ll probably enjoy the show)…

One of the tougher tricks to pull off when attempting to watch all the new shows that I want to sample is figuring out how to fit them into an already overstuffed television viewing habit.  For example, here’s what my DVR was set to record last night:

8:00 – New Girl
8:30 – Ben & Kate
9:00 – New Girl
9:30 – The Mindy Project
10:00 – Vegas
11:00 – The Daily Show
11:30 – The Colbert Report

Even taking out Ben & Kate and The Mindy Project (whose pilots I watched early and wrote about here), with only limited time to watch television, that still left me with the question of watching shows that I already enjoy, or taking a chance on a pilot.

All of this is to say that I didn’t watch Vegas last night.

But that brings me to a larger point about the difficulty of launching a new show – not only do you have expectations heaped upon you after being chosen, selected for survival after all the pilots and scripts and pitches that came and fell before you, but you also have to compete with other shows that are already within the viewing rotation of the public (and in the DVR age, you’re not just competing against your timeslot, but against all of television, even reruns of Yes, Dear).

It’s certainly a daunting task.

I should note, however, that I don’t anticipate this becoming the type of site where I do weekly reviews or recaps (there are much more qualified and talented writers who can handle that), but I will say that I think my choice of sticking to what I know (The New Girl and The Daily Show) proved to be sufficiently entertaining for one evening.

Tomorrow:  we discuss more comedies, including The Neighbors, which people have already derided (but whose script I enjoyed reading).