Category: Self

“You Have To Laugh. That’s How You’ll Make It Through.”

I fully expected November 8, 2012, to be a fun day. I was on vacation, a week-long trip to New York, which I hadn’t been back to in a couple of years. Although I had events planned during the evenings, my days were unstructured. This was on purpose – I wanted the freedom to explore the city without having to adhere to the rigid structure that vacations can sometimes fall into.

Plus, my friends were all working during the day, anyway.

After I woke up, I looked at the things that I wanted to cross off my list. I had already visited the sections of Manhattan I used to frequent when I lived there, and eaten much of the food I specifically wanted to find. But I hadn’t yet been to the 2nd Avenue Deli, which in the years since I lived in NY had moved out of the East Village and now had two locations, including one on the Upper East Side, not too far from my friend’s apartment – just far enough that it would make a nice walk and let me take in more of the city, but not so far that I’d be annoyed to walk there. Perfect.

I headed up 1st Avenue toward the deli, taking my time, enjoying the sounds and smells that make Manhattan such an interesting, unique environment. People and cars rushed about, everyone in a hurry to their destination. A few joggers ran past, ducking in between people in suits and women with strollers and construction workers.

Eventually I arrived at the deli and looked around – it was the middle of the lunch rush, and it was packed. I told the waitress that I’d be happy to sit at the counter, which was the only available space (and, given that I was by myself, likely the only space they would have offered). I found a seat, took off my coat and hat, and ordered – a half corned beef sandwich (because of course), and a bowl of matzo ball soup, which I had been craving and which was perfect for the chilly day.

As I waited for my food, I looked around, taking in the conversations, the clinking of glasses and the shouts of the staff as they moved orders through at an impressive pace. Before long, my soup arrived – steaming and inviting, the matzo ball looked a little like an unstitched baseball sitting in translucent broth.

After doing what almost every tourist my age does (take photo on iPhone, post to Facebook with pithy comment in description), I began to eat the soup – it was just as I remembered it. The chicken soup was light, not too salty, and the matzo ball was firm and soaked up the broth. I tend to be a fast eater (trained at my grandmother’s house, where if you ate too slow, all the food would be gone and you wouldn’t get seconds), but this I wanted to enjoy. I ate slowly, trying to enjoy the whole experience – especially since I didn’t know when I would be back in New York again. It was as though I was in a trance, and for a moment, everything else faded from view – it was just me and that soup.

“Best matzo ball soup in the city, right there.”

Snapped back to the present, I looked over to my left for the source of the gravely observation, and saw an elderly rabbi smiling back at me,  a few seats down the counter.

“I missed it. I used to go to the old 2nd Avenue Deli, years ago,” I said, although part of my brain was wondering whether this would be a long (and thus soup-cooling) conversation.

But our exchange was brief – he asked where I was visiting from,  and we talked about the surprising snow flurry that had passed through earlier in the week. After a bit, he (perhaps sensing my initial apprehension, or perhaps just understanding how good the soup really is) told me that I’d better finish my soup before it got cold. I smiled at him and went back to eating. A nice, brief encounter with a rabbi I probably would never see again.

As I finished my lunch, one of the waiters dropped off a bag of take out for the rabbi. He thanked the waiter and smiled at me.

“Best part of this job is the food.”

It was then that the rabbi explained that he was the one who made sure that everything was kosher at 2nd Avenue Deli – a job he had done back when the deli was still in the East Village, near his synagogue on 6th street – a synagogue that I had walked past numerous times (but never actually entered) when I lived in the neighborhood.

On any other day, perhaps, one of us might have said “well, it’s time to go, it was nice meeting you.” I had finished my meal. The food he was waiting on had arrived. Neither of us had any connection to the other, beyond this brief, chance meeting. But instead, we continued to talk – about the city, about life, about nothing in particular. He told me how he had moved to New York “for six months,” and how those six months became forty-four years. I talked about my pursuit of a career in comedy, which he approved of, saying:

“Oh, that’s good. You know, you have to laugh. That’s the main thing in life. You have to laugh. That’s how you make it through.”

The waiter brought us both egg creams, which we enjoyed as we continued to talk. He told me a little about how the gentrification of the East Village was threatening the synagogue – with a dwindling population, and the value of real estate in the area, developers were trying to take over the land and replace it with apartments. He noted that the city was working to help protect the site as a historical landmark, which would afford the building some protection – although he seemed to have some reservations with those preservation efforts, as well. He talked about how much the city had changed, and specifically, how the East Village had changed. I said little. I didn’t want to interrupt the crash course in the history of the neighborhood I once called home.

Then, at a certain point, we both felt it – although neither of us was in a rush to get anywhere, we had reached the end of the conversation. We shook hands (and finally exchanged names – he introduced himself as Rabbi Ackerman) and he invited me to visit him at the synagogue the next time I was in New York. I promised that I would. As he stood to go, he smiled at me.

“You’re not going to forget this. I can tell. I won’t forget this either. I have a good memory, you know.”

I watched him as he walked out the door, leaning only slightly on his cane, and out to the busy street. I paid for my lunch and went about the rest of my day.

I didn’t forget our conversation. Through the past several months, which at times have been chaotic and frustrating, I have (always when I needed it) recalled that conversation, and whenever I do, it helps put things into perspective. It serves as a reminder of how a chance meeting can lead to something interesting, how a brief conversation can be impactful, and how you never know how you’re going to affect a stranger.

I never did get a chance to visit Rabbi Ackerman at his synagogue. In June, after a short illness, he passed away at the age of 84. I would have liked to have had another chance to speak with him, to hear more about the old East Village, about life, and perhaps, shared another laugh.

The Time A Future D-1 College Football Quarterback Accidentally Knocked Out My Front Tooth

This is part of a series of posts in which I recall a random experience which I will probably never do again. Full disclosure: I’ve definitely told versions of this story before in a variety of arenas, but hopefully this will serve as the most comprehensive (and final) version of this story.

When I was 9 years old, I was on the best baseball team I’d ever been on.****

That’s not something I say because we won our league title (which we did), or because it was the most fun team I was ever on (it wasn’t), but from a pure ability standpoint, it was, top to bottom, the most talented team I was a part of. There was so much talent* on the team, this was the first team I didn’t entrench myself at one particular position – my first time playing as a true utility player, as I was moved all over the field, playing, at various points throughout the season, second base, all three outfield positions, relief pitcher (although to be honest, I don’t recall if I ever got into a game), and catcher.

The team had four starting pitchers. Kai (the son of the head coach) was our ace. A big, strong kid who threw incredibly hard. I once got jammed on a pitch inside and dropped the bat because of the feedback. Ekolu (who would go on to be a quarterback and pitcher at one of the top high schools in the state) was the number two guy, tall, lanky, tough to hit against. Our third pitcher, sadly, I don’t remember, although I do remember that when I became the starting catcher (our regular starter was injured for a few weeks, giving me additional playing time), he sprained my thumb on the first pitch he threw me in a game. Our fourth pitcher, Timmy, was another tall, skinny kid who somehow threw incredibly hard, but also had a penchant for hitting batters (which is why he was our 4th pitcher).

Timmy would grow up to be this guy:

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Timmy Chang, the all-time NCAA leader in career interceptions thrown (and a bunch of other stats, too).

But at this point, he was still a kid like me. A kid who threw incredibly hard, and had some control issues with his fastball, which the coaches were working on.

One day, he was scheduled to pitch in practice, which meant that before he actually went to the mound, he had to warm up. Since I was the backup catcher (and had been in batting practice, and thus wasn’t on the field already), I was told to warm him up.

Timmy and I went to the side of the field, and started playing catch, to loosen his arm up before he would eventually go in to pitch in the simulated game. Even playing catch, Timmy threw the ball hard – much harder than I could, and he barely looked like he was trying.

With every satisfying WHACK! of ball on glove, he got closer to being ready. And the closer he got to being ready, the harder he threw.

We were probably a dozen or so warmup tosses away from him being done, when I tossed the ball back to Timmy and heard one of the assistant coaches calling to me. I have to be completely honest, I don’t recall what was said at all, or why he was talking to me at that particular moment – he might have been asking if Timmy was ready. Or he might have been asking me to put on the catcher’s gear. I don’t remember.

What I do remember is that I heard someone else yell out:

“Danny!”

It was Timmy. I assumed that he was anxious to finish warming up and get into the simulated game. After all, we were 11 and 12 years old, and when you’re that age, the pitcher is the rockstar. Everyone wants to pitch. I wanted to pitch even though I knew that on that team, I had absolutely no business ever stepping on the mound (and again, I’m not entirely certain I did, at least, not in a game).

I turned to look back at Timmy and saw this**:

original

WHACK!

Although I don’t remember it, I fell down, and right away noticed that I was bleeding from my mouth. I also noticed that I was missing one of my two front teeth, but mostly what I noticed was OW OW OW PAIN PAIN PAIN.

The coaches and the players and, of course, Timmy, all rushed over. We got some ice from somebody’s water jug to numb my face down a bit – luckily, I had been hit in the mouth, just below my nose – so there were no breaks, no damage to the nose or eyes, and no concussion. My parents were called, and my mother picked me up – by that point, the bleeding had mostly subsided.

One of the coaches stopped by my house later that day with my tooth – they had found it in the field. It had been neatly sheared about 2/3 of the way to the gumline (meaning I still had the root) and remarkably had broken off cleanly. A week later, my dentist reattached it so that I didn’t look like a hockey player when I went to school. Two years later, the root, damaged by the impact, would finally require a root canal (which I was wide awake for, so I’ll try to remember to write about that later).

Ultimately, nothing much came of it – I had managed to escape serious injury***, and it was, by all accounts, an accident. I was back at the next practice, although because of my newly reattached tooth, I was required to wear a face mask on my batting helmet, which, as you might imagine, made me the popular kid when I went up to the plate.

But I’ll always be able to say that a future college quarterback knocked out my tooth when I was 9.

 

*As to my own talent level, I was never a phenomenal baseball player – I would guess that throughout my youth I was probably slightly above average. I was never the biggest, strongest, or fastest kid, but I hustled all the time and probably understood the rules better than most. By this point, however, some kids around me were starting to get their first growth spurts (I wouldn’t get my first real growth spurt until halfway through high school), and so although I wasn’t a bad baseball player, others were much, much more physically dominant.

**Apologies for the screenshot, but that gives you a rough idea of how close the ball was/what it looked like when I turned my head.

***This thought actually didn’t occur to me until right this moment, but if the ball had hit me in the side of the head (in other words, if Timmy hadn’t yelled at me and I hadn’t turned my head), I might have taken the ball in the cheekbone and/or just below my ear. Luckily, it was too low to hit me in the temple, but it seems that I might have actually been more seriously injured if the brunt of the impact had landed in either of those areas. Maybe I should call Timmy up and tell him thanks. Or at least stop mentioning that he holds the NCAA record for interceptions thrown in a career.

****EDIT: This post initially stated that I was 11 years old when this happened. I happened to watch a bit of an old tape and I was actually 9. The post has been edited to reflect this.

The Dangers Of Self-Diagnostic Statistical Analysis, Part 3

This is the third in a multi-part series of short insights that occur to me when I take a look at my life from a statistical point of view.

The Statistic:  As a life-long fan of the Los Angeles Dodgers, I am, nevertheless, a harbinger of bad luck for them; they lost the first twelve games I attended in person, and, over the course of my life, their record while I am in attendance at the ballpark is well below .500.

How Weird Is That?  At first glance, it might not seem that weird. Those first twelve games came between 1999-2002, four seasons in which the Dodgers did not make the postseason – so maybe it was just a case of bad luck.

However, if we dig a little deeper, the statistics get weirder. Considering that the Dodgers were a little above .500 for that period, this is the equivalent of a coin flip coming up the same way 12 times.

If we do consider this a coin flip (which, given the Dodgers record over those years, is a reasonable approximation), the odds are 1 in 4096, or 0.02%.

Those are pretty low odds for any event to come up the same way 12 times in a row. Now again, obviously there are many, many more elements in play here; the caliber of opponent that they were facing, what time of year they were playing (if they were out of the playoffs, they’d be likely to use younger, less talented players), and so on. But still, this rough-and-dirty analysis suggests that this is at least moderately unlikely.

What Does It Mean?  Ultimately, very little. I still attend at least a couple of games a season, although those are as much for social interaction as much as for the love of the Dodgers. I understand that it is highly unlikely that my presence has any demonstrable impact on the team or how they play, although as fans, we do tend to believe that we matter, somehow.*

What Have I Learned? Very little, other than that I managed to live through a statistically odd four years. Oh, and to top it off, I’ll share the following story:

In 2004, the Dodgers made the playoffs for the first time since 1996 (and also the first time since I had moved to Los Angeles).

I was ecstatic. The team wasn’t really good enough to get very far – the pitching was suspect (the rotation still included Odalis Perez). Still, just making the postseason was exciting.

My friends and I woke up very early to jump online and get tickets. Frantically working our way through Ticketmaster’s multi-layered ticket purchasing system of doom, we managed to secure tickets to Games 3 and 4 of the NLDS, against the St. Louis Cardinals.

At the time, I was working for a large, possibly evil corporation (hint: their name rhymes with “Schmelectronic Farts”), and the project I was working on was nearing completion, which meant that we were spending a lot of time in the office. And I mean a lot of time. I had a shift once that was 26 hours. And then I had to work the next day.

Anyway. We were working a lot on this almost complete (and incredibly mediocre) project. But the games were on the weekend. Certainly I wouldn’t have to work the weekend, right?

Wrong. At 5:50 PM, Friday afternoon, my boss called a team meeting and gave us the Full Lumbergh, informing us that we’d all be working on Saturday, October 9th. And so, instead of going to the first playoff game of my life with several of my closest friends, I was at work, listening to the broadcast over the internet, as I continued to work on what was, I cannot stress enough, a mind-numbingly mediocre game.

What ended up transpiring on the field that day is what is now known as “The Lima Game”, where Jose Lima** threw a 4 hit, complete game shutout. By all accounts, it was a beautiful game to see. My ticket went to a friend of mine who had never been to a baseball game before; she proclaimed the day “fun.”

My boss, an overworked but not unkind man (and a fan of the Dodgers himself), told me as we were wrapping up work that night that although everyone was going to be in again the next day, I should take Sunday off and go watch the Dodgers play the next day.

I’m pretty sure I was out the door before he finished the sentence.

So, Sunday, October 10th, 2004. My first playoff game! I was happy to be there, happy to have a day off, happy to be a Dodgers fan.

For about twenty minutes.

It started off innocently enough; Dodgers got out of the first inning without giving up any runs, although Odalis Perez did not look great on the mound. Jayson Werth hit a solo home run to put the Dodgers in front. But the wheels quickly came off, and the Dodgers ended up losing 6-2, in a game that ultimately wasn’t close.

I ultimately left the stadium with my friends, tired and disappointed by what had transpired. In addition, I had lost out on quite a bit of overtime pay by not going to work, which just made things worse.

It would be four more years until I had the pleasure of watching the Dodgers win a postseason game live.

 

 

 

 

*Monday night, I started watching the Los Angeles Kings play against the St. Louis Blues. The Blues went up 2-0 very quickly, at which point I turned the TV off, because I hadn’t watched the Game 3 game when the Kings won (I had been out at a party). The Kings came back to win the game, 4-3. Did my turning the TV off change the course of the game? It’s hard to prove causality in this case, but the evidence is there for you to draw your own conclusions.

 

**For those of you who don’t know, Jose Lima was a boisterous pitcher who always played with high energy and celebrated like a little kid, whose appearances were often dubbed “Lima Time.” Although he didn’t have a particularly notable career (other than two pretty good seasons with Houston in the late ’90s), his larger-than-life personality and seemingly genuine joy for the game was infectious. I saw him pitch in 2004 against the Cubs, where he replaced an ineffective Hideo Nomo in the second inning with the Dodgers down 6-0, and went 5 2/3 innings, essentially saving the arms of about four bullpen pitchers. The Dodgers lost the game 7-3, but everyone’s spirits lifted when Lima charged in from the bullpen – he seemed happy to be in the game, and we were happy to see him. It was probably the most fun I’ve ever had at a game where the Dodgers lost, and that is a direct result of Jose Lima’s appearance that day.

Lima died of a heart attack in 2010, at the age of 37. Some personalities are just too big for their mortal coils.